Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Rude People

Yesterday I had an incident, someone decided to post a rude comment on Ashlen's page she said, "I asked for one ages and ages ago got bored of waiting now can't seriously take this long like over 6 months" I was so hurt, humiliated and insulted. I tried to forget about it but I couldn't sleep, it was on my mind all night! I replied back to her comment as calmly as I could, I think I did pretty good, but still I had such a good weekend but after seeing that comment, I was in tears. I don't know why it bothered me so much, maybe it was because I do this for free and she had the nerve to say something like that. I'm still pretty upset about it, she didn't apologize (I don't think she will) she only said " I wasn't trying to be funny at all! Just don't worry you do what you gotta do" what does that mean?!?! was that supposed to be her apology? I put so much love and care into each pen and I was torn down, I would completely understand if she was paying for the pen but she's not. Yeah I know it takes me a while to make a few pens but I'm still hurting, I'm still broken and trying to heal the loss of my son, saying something to me about how slow I am will only make it worse. I have had such a hard time lately and I was just getting back on my feet, only to be brought down AGAIN!
I know I should just forget about it but I'm having a hard time doing so. I'm thankful for the friends that stood up for me when I couldn't.

Monday, August 13, 2012

1 year since I found out I was pregnant

The 8th of August marks one year since I found out I was pregnant, I felt so empty that day and realized that  it won't be too long before it's Ashlen's first year. Where did the time go?? It still feels like it was just yesterday!  I don't think I'm ready to accept the fact that he's been gone for 7 months, it doesn't feel like it's real, how I wish it was just a horrible nightmare. Sadly it's my reality, and there is nothing I can do about it, except try to accept my new "normal".

Monday, June 25, 2012

Mixed emotions

These past weeks have been all messed up, I'm happy for a while and then I'm either mad or sad, I'm such a mess! I miss my baby. 
I can't believe this 4th of July will be 6 months since he grew wings. Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up in bed all day. I don't think I'll be able to keep a smile even if it's fake. I'm still broken and hurt. 4th of July is coming up, it's supposed to be a day to spend with the family and enjoy the day, but I'm not sure that will be the case for me. 
If only Ashlen was still here... He would have met his cousin, aunt and uncle for the first time, we don't get to see them too often, he would have been included in the family pictures we took yesterday... If only.
We visited him yesterday, his cousins, aunts, uncles, and nana went with us. I must say I really enjoyed their company and I'm sure Ashlen was glad to see them there. 
I think about you every single day baby boy. I miss you and love you so so much! 

Saturday, May 5, 2012

It's been a while

Wow! I haven't posted anything at all since I started Ashlen's Angel Pens. It's really taking off, I have over 60 requests so far, and im making about 10 a week. I love reading the comments from happy Blm's, it always puts a smile on my face and reminds me why I started this in the first place.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

To my baby boy...

In less than 15 days the 21st of March will be here... I'm not sure how i'm going to react once its here. We were suppose to meet you on this day sweet baby, but you left us a few months before we expected you. I miss you everyday that goes by.. I still feel so empty and hurt. They say it gets a little better with time but i'm not sure how long it will take. I will NEVER forget you Ashlen, my love for you grows stronger and even though you are no longer with us you are present in our mind and in our hearts, we love you and miss you so much baby! Please watch over us little angel.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

girls these days...

So I have noticed that more girls that I know are getting pregnant, I can't even log on to facebook without seeing them complain about being pregnant. They have no idea how lucky they are to still be pregnant! I would take all the pain the sickness and everything else that comes with pregnancy in a heartbeat if it meant I could keep my sweet baby. The most common thing I read on their posts is "I wish I wasn't pregnant anymore".... It makes me so sad to see this, it makes my heart ache. I wish I was pregnant I wouldn't care how much pain and discomfort I was in because at the end of it all it would be so worth it!