Our Story

My name is Ashley Raymond I'm married to Kellen,We got married March 21st, 2010 after a few years of dating. We hadn't planned on having children right after marriage, but on August 8, 2011 I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. We were so happy to be having a baby, even though we weren't ready we already loved this baby and were thrilled to become parents.

I decided I wanted to go to an OB instead of a midwife, after having to wait months for my appointment the day finally came, however they cancelled my appointment last minute and wouldn't have an opening for another month! No way was I going to wait another month time was ticking. I wasn't able to get my first  appointment until after almost 2 months of finding out I was pregnant. It worried me a little that I had not seen anybody and I was almost 4 months pregnant. I finally decided that I didn't care anymore if I went with an OB or a midwife, so I called different places and got an appointment with a midwife 2 weeks later. At the appointment everything was great I had no problems and my pregnancy was normal from what we could tell. 

I was around 20 weeks when we went in for the anatomy scan, we were finally going to find out if we were having a baby boy or a baby girl. It didn't matter to us as long as the baby was healthy. They measured the baby and told us that we would be having a boy! We were also told he was a week behind and that there was a "generous" amount of amniotic fluid around the baby. The Dr. had us worried and had me get some test done to see if there was a possibility that our baby might have down syndrome or if I had gestational diabetes. I didn't know how to feel about it, all I wanted was for my baby to be healthy I didn't even care if I had GD as long as our baby was ok. 

After the test results came back we got good news... Ashlen didn't have down syndrome and I didn't have GD, but they still wanted me to come back a month later to check the amniotic fluid. On December 6th my mother in law took us to get a 3d/4d ultrasound, we got to see him for the 2nd time only this time he had many poses to show us. We got so many pictures of our little boy, some of them were pretty silly but like they say like father like son! He was absolutely perfect, always had his tiny hands near his face or sucking his thumb. I was very thankful we got the opportunity to see our son in 3d it was an amazing experience and I cant thank my mother in law enough for this wonderful gift.  

A month later I went to another ultrasound (where they checked the amniotic fluid) again the Dr. said that I had a little more than normal but not so much that he was concerned for the safety of my son. They wanted to keep  an eye on it just in case so they scheduled another appointment for me. Little did I know that 2 weeks later would be the saddest day of my life.

On Dec. 20th I had a regular check up, I had felt Ashlen move a lot the day before but that morning all I felt was what I thought was movement, no kicks. I wasn't really worried because he had done this a few times before and he would move a lot during the night. My midwife came into the room and checked for the babies heartbeat, she looked for awhile but couldn't find anything so she did an ultrasound and looked concerned. She then sent us to labor and delivery. I told myself everything was ok there was nothing wrong with our baby, I held my tears in as long as I could. I only lasted so long, but on the way to the hospital I couldn't hold it together any longer.

We got to L&D and we waited for what seemed like an eternity for another ultrasound. I couldn't bear to look at anybody without tearing up. All I wanted to hear was "everything is fine, your baby is ok" but deep down I had a feeling my sweet baby was gone. I couldn't look at the screen, I would glance at it and start to tear up so I would quickly look away. The only face I could see told me everything, that our baby did not have a heartbeat. The midwife finally told me to take a look at the screen where everything was perfectly still, not even the smallest of movements was visible. Our little Ashlen was really gone... taken from us too soon. It wasn't suppose to happen like this he wasn't even suppose to be here till march 21st! I couldn't hide my pain, my sadness, I loved my baby so much and I never even got the chance to say hello or good bye.

 I made the decision to start my labor that same night as I had already started contraction on our way to the hospital, I wanted everything to be as natural as possible. I wouldn't deliver him till the next day between 1:30 and 2, I don't really remember all the details. All I remember was being in pain and having really strong contractions for about 30 minutes when I decided I wanted the epidural, as the nurse was just about to check me how dilated I was I felt the urge to push. It was time to deliver him, I pushed for about 20 minutes and then it was over. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, so perfect but one thing was for sure he had daddy's feet.

I never imagined that I would ever leave the hospital empty handed, but this was our only choice, well not even a choice. I was heartbroken as we left the room where we had spent time with our son, but the thing that made me cry was what my little brother (3yrs old) had to say, "You forgot your baby Ashy". I wanted to be left alone, but I knew that he didn't mean any harm, he didn't understand what was going on, and I couldn't expect him to understand. I felt weird and embarrassed leaving the hospital without a baby, but that's just how it was. My baby left this earth, we may not know why but I know God had a much bigger and better plan for him.

I'm very thankful to have been surrounded by family,friends and a wonderful staff. I don't know what shape I would have been in if it would have been just my husband and I. Our families were together with us throughout this tragedy. They supported us and were there for us whenever we needed anything. Ashlen was dearly loved by everyone. We were all left brokenhearted, a hole in a hearts that will never be filled. You will always be remembered Ashlen Mitchell Raymond. We love you and miss you baby!