Mixed emotions

These past weeks have been all messed up, I'm happy for a while and then I'm either mad or sad, I'm such a mess! I miss my baby. 

I can't believe this 4th of July will be 6 months since he grew wings. Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up in bed all day. I don't think I'll be able to keep a smile even if it's fake. I'm still broken and hurt. 4th of July is coming up, it's supposed to be a day to spend with the family and enjoy the day, but I'm not sure that will be the case for me. 

If only Ashlen was still here... He would have met his cousin, aunt and uncle for the first time, we don't get to see them too often, he would have been included in the family pictures we took yesterday... If only.

We visited him yesterday, his cousins, aunts, uncles, and nana went with us. I must say I really enjoyed their company and I'm sure Ashlen was glad to see them there. 

I think about you every single day baby boy. I miss you and love you so so much!